Rant# 7: Parking Mad!!!

Happy Thursday everyone!!! Back at you with another infamous rant to help properly prepare for the weekend by getting the junk of the week off my chest, leaving room for me to be at my most happiest mood, if that’s possible, lol. This one, however, is going to be a rant that’ll last throughout my years as long as I’m living in the city. And I’m sure many of my urban residential brothers and sisters can relate to this one…actually, a lot of my rant most of you can relate to because they’re real…real life that is! Without further ado, let’s get started.

There are many things I hate about the traffic system in New York City: people driving slow as all hell in front of you on an empty street, traffic lights that last 30 seconds in the green but like 5 minutes in the red, rush hour traffic, street cleaning rules, city blocks with more than one fire hydrant – I can go on and on! But the one thing that really gets under my skin is PARKING TICKETS!! That orange envelope is the biggest scam in the city’s history!! And I hate it when city officials get in front of the camera – especially the MTA – and whine and cry about not having enough money. That’s bull$#!%!!!! From the amount of tickets I see stuck on car windows, I say those S.O.B.’s are making plenty of money off that!!

What is the purpose of a parking fine?! Sure, if you’re parked in front of a hydrant then you deserve a fine. Those things need to stay open in case the Fire Dept. need to attach their hose to put out a building fire. Street cleaning makes sense for us to move our cars for them to come and clean the street, but is it really filthy enough that you have to clean in twice a week? ON EACH SIDE?!!!! Geez, no one can ever leave their car and go about their business without having to come back and move their car every two hours!!

For instance, it was a late Tuesday night and I had just dropped off my family in front of the building. As usual, there was no parking on my block so I had to drive up and down the streets like a damn idiot looking for parking. And there it was – a parking spot right next to the crosswalk. I was always told that they measure the violation by where your back wheel stands when you park, meaning that if you park next to a No Standing Zone but your back wheel is behind the pole then you’re safe. I went in with that same mentality when I took this parking.

I pushed my car as much as I could into the spot with crushing the car in front of me – I got a pretty big car! My back wheel was away from the crosswalk lines, but my trunk still hovered over it. People were still able to cross the street normally and I was not blocking anyone, therefore I thought I was safe.

The next day I go to warm up my car before taking my son to school and I see that piece of s&%t white squad car drive down the block in a hurry, the same block where I’m parked. Immediately I run to my car and sure enough: a damn orange envelope sitting on my windshield!! I had that Triple H moment when I wanted to take a sledgehammer and smash it through that squad car window!! I was so pissed!! Not because I got a ticket but “why” I got it. As I said, I wasn’t blocking anything or anyone, but the ticket said that, technically, since my trunk “hovered” over the crosswalk that I was in violation. Again – bull$#!%!!!!

Naturally, I fought the fine like I always do. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t. My philosophy is if they want to fine me for bogus parking violations then they’re going to have to earn it. So I fought it explaining my deposition, how its unfair to pay a fine because my trunk floated over a crosswalk that none of my wheels even touched. I even took a picture of where I was parked while a girl was crossing the street with no problem whatsoever!! And of course, I was found guilty because this city is run by greedy, selfish pricks who continue to bleed the working class with stupid-ass fines and ridiculous hikes such as rent, gas, Metro Cards, etc.

It’s hard enough finding parking as it is when you live in a neighborhood where most of the apartments got like thirty people living in it, each with their own car hogging up all the parking. I really hate it when I see these lazy S.O.B.’s standing in an empty spot, holding it for someone else who hasn’t arrived yet!! UUGH!! That really gets me mad, but that’s another story. Besides dealing with that stress, now I have to worry about finding the “perfect” space because these goofy meter maids got nothing else better to do than to hand out tickets like flyers.

Oh well, maybe one day when I hit my first million I can move my family out of this money pit. Until then, got to roll with the punches and outwork the system. I would love to sell my car and take the train everywhere…but the way they’ve been operating as of late, they’re actually WORST than traffic. But again, that’s another story!! Lord, I pray that I can maintain and be blessed with good parking or move to a place with a parking lot so that I can enjoy my remaining years as a driver in peace.

If you can relate, then I hope you can hold it together as well. It may suck to park far away from home or wait for two hours to get a good space, but I would rather any of those things every day than to give these assholes anymore of my money. I hope the best for all of you in the dismal reality of city parking. At least the weekend is coming, so let that joy settle into your minds and forget about this parking nonsense…at least until Monday.

May you all have a great weekend!!



One Reply to “Rant# 7: Parking Mad!!!”

  1. Richard this was very good. I’m not a driver but I sympathize with you and other drivers. That’s why I try not to let you drive me because I feel bad that you have to hustle for a parking after you drop me off. Parking tickets do suck as you stated. I’m going to pray that you have better luck with parking and no more tickets for you. Hang in there!


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